Wednesday, February 28, 2007

No words

No words today...

To see other self portraits go here.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Grow wings...

I have a few more pendants that I finished today... I have to say that I am very excited for how these turned out, I am kind of in love with them to be honest... and I am forcing myself to list them instead of keeping them for myself (like I have ended up doing with so many others I have made). And in case you were wondering, YES! Those are made with *real* butterfly wings. They are from monarch butterflies that have naturally expired (no insects were harmed in the making of these pendants).

They will be up in my Etsy shop sometime tomorrow. I just have to finish figuring out what I want to have the listings say... I really am awful at the whole description thing. But I will get better with practice.

For tomorrow I am only listing these 3 items, but I have many more that are half finished and as soon as I get the replacement tips for my soldering iron I will get them up as well. Also my bottle cap magnets and bracelet are finally ready as well... I had an issue with my resin and had to remake them all. So in these next few days come visit and see what is new over at Gypsy Wings.

For some reason blogger is not letting me post links... it scrambles them up and sends you to nowhere... urg.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Finding Water & The Secret: Checking in

Well, one week ago today I started reading Finding Water with a group of bloggers. I got this book from the wonderful and talented Kristine, she sent it to me for the book swap we participated in over at CaC. I was so touched to receive this book from her and also be invited to join in on this 12 week journey of reading this book with so many other bloggers who are striving to either re-connect or stay in touch with their creative selves.

As part of going through this process you sign a creativity contract with yourself promising to write morning pages, go on a weekly artists date with yourself, and to go on a walk once a week. Last week I missed my morning pages 3 days, and I did not really get out on what I would consider an Artists date... I did however go on a couple walks (with the kids), and find myself creating more and sitting around less.

This week was a bit of an odd one for me though, a little bit overwhelming sometimes. I also watched The Secret one day on top of the morning pages... I think maybe i had a bit of an overload. But it is all really good information, maybe i was just trying to cram it all in too quickly. I have a tendency to do that sometimes. As a result I found myself getting really emotional over absolutely nothing... Or maybe not nothing, maybe I just have not figured out the source of all the emotion yet.

I have been trying really hard to have more patience with my children and just let them play as kids... trying is the key word there. I feel like an absolute maniac some days. Having a 2.5 year old and a 1.5 year old makes me literally feel like running away some days. Let alone having a 5 year old.... but really I have noticed that if I just let go a little bit and breathe it is easier than if I try to control everything, they are kids for crying out loud. And somehow this week with all my meditation on positive energy and thoughts, and writing out all that I am grateful for I have been a bit more relaxed and not so bitchy. That's a good thing :)

After I post this I plan on finishing the last of the exercises from last weeks reading... Somehow I put it off until now, but I am looking forward to it. I have to write a list of ten things that I could try... anything. 10 things that I could try, that would make me stretch and grow as a person, or just make me smile. I am excited to see what I come up with.

And just as some visual candy... I have found myself completely enamored by the sky lately. I look up and see these brilliant splashes of gold and pink and blue. I think one thing I will really miss after I move away is the sunsets.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

blurry bliss

I sometimes have to remind myself to enjoy each little moment we have...

Because the moments pass by quickly it can leave it all a blur.

Go see other self portraits here.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Gypsy Wings


I have my Etsy shop open. Not alot listed yet... i have soooo much to do, but I managed to get a few things up. Many more to come in the next week. I realise that I pretty much suck at writing a description of what I am selling... I will have to work on that. And I thought a long time about pricing before I listed them... I finally decided that the prices I listed were good because the pendants are so time intensive. I hope you like what you see!!!!

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated... I am kinda new to this whole thing so please let me know!!!! :)


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Just a little bit adorable...

Kael is 19 months old... Even when he is sick and has dried food mashed all over his face, he is still adorable.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Fishnets and a flower

I have my own sense of style... Black baby tee, rolled up jeans... Fishnets and a big flower. Oh, and lets not forget the pendant I made, which is temporarily strung on this lovely necklace that sweet Darlene sent me. :)

And incase you were wondering... Yeah, I do wear my fishnets around town... I love being me! *bliss*

To see other people's Self Portraits go here.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Ceremony of The Burning Mask

I decided enough was enough. I decided... I am through with this insidious disease, this parasite that infects my mind and causes me to believe things that are untrue. I have made my decision to move on, but to do so I feel it only appropriate that I lay to rest this companion of mine for so long... this constant friend, foe, devil in disguise... I felt that it should be final, there should be a place where its life ceased to exhist and where a new life can emerge from the ashes... Like a Pheonix... Rise up from the ash... Powerful, exhilerating, beautiful... Full of life.

I set about pulling together my tools. Paper, glue, magazine clippings, words... dirt, leaves... An arsenal of things for me to create art with... to make a symbol, to make a statement.

Feverishly I began my work. Knowing somewhere deep inside that it must be done if I ever hoped to be rid of my pain. Feeling a sense of urgency, realizing that this was it... after the deed was done there could be no going back.

As I strung together beads, and pasted together bits of paper, splashing bits of ground micah and earth into the mess... A form began to emerge. Slowly at first, nothing more that a mound of material. Then, almost suddenly it begins to reveal itself. A mask.

This is an old mask... one I have been wearing for years. One that represents the things that eat away at my soul, the things that wear on my mind and break down my body... These things I have been running from for nearly half my life. It has become somewhat of a shrine really. A collection of the dark, the deadly, the poisonous things that have lived too long in my head. And strangly, as I stare down at it... I find it beautiful, attractive, somewhat alluring. I find myself getting choked up at the idea of what I am about to do. I think, perhaps I can just lock it away where it can never be found... I can maybe just hide it and only I will know it is there, afterall this is such an old companion, a familiar friend that I have turned to in my darkest hours. Can I ever really be anything without it? It has always been there, never has it turned me away in a time of need... But NO! I have made my decision.

I quietly open the door and walk to the back yard. I set my mask on the ground at my feet and I sit down next to it. I then pull out a pen and a peice of paper and pour myself out onto the sheet. I write, and I write, and I write... I put down EVERYTHING. The reasons why, the things I could never say out loud. The things I have wanted to scream and cry... The things I have longed to let go of but never could find the courage. I write until I am out of paper, until I have nothing left to say. Nothing left but goodbye.

Folding the paper up into fourths, I place it behind the mask. I take them both and lay them gently in the bottom of my chiminea. I strike a match and set it on top of my mask, my words unspoken, my life before... And watch as it burns. I watch the ashes float up into the sky reaching towards the stars. I watch the paper crumble and turn to ash. I watch until there is nothing left... And then I breathe.

I breathe deeply, and I feel a freedom I have not known in many years... I smile, and I feel the weight lifting. I see there are many roads in front of me that I can take now, I just couldn't see them before through the limited vision I had while I was still wearing the mask.

** I wrote this on February 17th 2006 after I burned my mask... It is written about the battle I have been fighting with an eating disorder for the last 13 years, and the relapse I went into in the beginning of last year... Every day is different, and some are harder than others. In April it will have been a year...

See more "Goodbyes" here

Thursday, February 01, 2007

A little sneak peek

Some things I have been working on... Some of the things I will be selling in my Etsy shop... Soon :)