Wednesday, December 20, 2006

4 things...

I have been tagged by Romina!!!

So here ya go:)

4 Jobs I have had

1. KFC (Still one of my favorite jobs EVER!)
2. Lerner New York (I never had money, but was always well dressed...)
3. Classroom Manager and Student Coordinator at Arizona School of Massage Therapy... (I rocked! My students lurved me!!!)
4. Massage Therapist

4 Movies I could watch over and over again

1. The Goonies!!! (Goonies NEVER say die!)
2. The Princess Bride
3. Fight Club (In the industry we call them cigarette burns...)
4. Memento, Napoleon Dynamite, Milo and Otis (what???) A Christmas story... The list goes on...

4 places I've lived

1. Orem Utah (eeeek!)
2. Lehi Utah... (Double EEK!)
3. Mesa Arizona (meh...)
4. Mesa Arizona again.

4 places I've vacationed

1. Connecticut
2. New York *sigh*
3. Hawaii *double sigh*
4. Hrmmm... ummm... California.

4 websites I visit daily

1. Google
2. Myspace... I am such a nerd!
3. friends sites
4. Friends sites again:)

4 of my favorite dishes

1. Chicken Tikka Masala with Garlic Naan and Gulab Jamun with a Mango Lasse... *drool*
2. Tom Yum Kai soup
3. Oven roasted Garlic Sweet Potato with lots of garlic and onion and spicy stuff...
4. Fresh fruits and veggies

4 places I would rather be

1. Costa Rica...
2. Hawaii
3. Sitting on a beach somewhere watching the waves.
4. Not here...

4 people i am tagging....

1. Nina
2. Thea
3. Cinda
4. bronxbt

Pink eye...

Well, we have been a big lump of sick people here the last couple weeks. We have all had gross colds, and now Kayden and I have PINK EYE!!!! Gross. So, for this weeks Self Portrait challenge in the theme of "red" I give you a lovely portrait of my son and I with our oozy, red, puffy, bruised looking eyes... fun times!

And also I will give you all a little sneak peek of one of the MANY MANY little projects I have been working on this month. This is a little 8x8 scrapbook that i have painted the cover to. I have about a billion of these books, I bought them a while back figuring I would do some thing with them. And now i have. I will be painting the covers of them all and replacing the crappy flimsy paper that came inside them with a heavier acid free card stock... I might sell them on my Etsy that I am planning on opening up one of these days... along with my bottlecap jewelry and magnets... and other random Georgia items that I create.

This is the first book I painted, it is not done yet in these pictures, but you kinda get the idea. Anyhow... Have a fantabulous day, and don't get pink eye!

As a side note I just wanted to send well wishes to Darlene and her family. Her son was in a horrible car accident and they could use everyones prayers.


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My red jacket and kitchen

This week I am boring. I have not had much time to create a super cool red post for today because I am spending all my time creating other stuff... :) After Christmas I can post pictures as much of what i am making is christmas gifts.

Red is one of my favorite colors EVER! I love anything bright and vibrant.

Here I am in my red Jacket sweater thingie... in the background can you see my red kitchen??? It is tiny looking in these pictures:) I *heart* red.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Winter *inspire me thursday*

This weeks suggestion for Inspire Me Thursday is Winter.

I was goofing around with my watercolors a couple nights ago, just playing with color washes and some other techniques. What I came up with for some reason reminds me of winter. Maybe its the blue, or the snowflake look that the salt I sprinkled in the wash gave it... I am not sure, but it brings up thoughts of cold, and ice. The little specks of brown make me think of the glimpses of soil you see when the snow begins to melt, or the bit of bark on a tree limp... I wish *sometimes* that it would snow here. I LOVE LOVE LOVE wearing winter clothes. Sweaters and scarves, big thick comfy socks... *sigh* I am soooo excited to go see snow for Christmas :)

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Seeing red

Red, like fire. Red, like anger.

Anger... It comes in and it feels all consuming. It pulses through our veins and turns us ugly with all that it reveals. Like a forest fire it burns up all that it comes in contact with. But on closer inspection we might see something else.

A forest fire will rage through the tree's and bushes, leaving behind ash and soot. It also clears out the underbrush, dead animals, insects and disease. These fires privide an opportunity for new, healthy life.

In 1988, 13 fires were started in Yellowstone National Park by lightning. People were concerned that too much land was being destroyed and were wondering if they should try to stop the fire from spreading. It was decided to let the fire burn out naturally, and by the end of that summer nearly a million acres had burned... Now, 18 years later we are seeing the benefits of letting the fire cleanse the forest.

Certain trees send out more seedlings after a fire. The Lodgepole Pine has pinecones that will only open in temperatures of 55 degrees fahrenheit or higher. In the colder areas of Yellowstone a fire is necessary to achieve these conditions. The fire has proven beneficial to not only the plant life but animal life as well.

Anger can be healthy or it can destroy all that it touches. Will your anger lead to harsh words and destructive thoughts, or will it lead to a new beginning. Will you become so angry that you build a fortress to surround yourself and then find you are trapped? Will the flames of your life consume you? Or, will you decide to let go of the hurt, the pain that is driving your anger. Look at it and see why it pains you so. Will you find out what it is you must do to move beyond the fire.

Anger peels back the many layers of our skin leaving us raw, hurting, naked... But, if we can take a closer look at our anger it can lead us to healing truths.

If we can swallow the fear that usually accompanies anger (at least with me) we can reach through the flames, emerge on the other side reborn. Like the Pheonix we can rise from the ashes. We can become new and whole, if we allow ourselves the time and effort it takes to transform.

Monday, December 04, 2006

In the last hour

On friday night we sat down as a family. And in the last hour before the kiddies went to bed we watched the end of Superman Returns. We got out the blankets and squished together on the couch in one great big snuggely pile. It is not very often that we all get to enjoy each others company like this. The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been if we had popcorn with m&m's... Mmmmmm m&m's mixed with popcorn is the BEST!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Poetry Thursday *If these walls could speak*

Okay, I have been a major slacker for the last long while. I started writing in this blog to stoke my creativity and inspire myself... And that is just what I intend to do Damnit! So, I am finally getting off my butt and participating in Poetry Thursday again.

This weeks suggested theme is If these walls could speak. Well, I originally started to write my own little poem but was interrupted by my fighting children... And suddenly my inspiration was gone (unless I wanted to write about the 4 walls I was about to lock my two older kids inside of so they could "work it out"... did anybody elses parents ever do that to them??? My mom and Aunt used to do that to my cousin and I when we would fight... but I digress) Anyhooooo, the lyrics to a Shawn Colvin song came to mind and I must say they are pretty much PERFECT for this weeks challenge... So perfect infact that I am going to bet somone else is going to have this same idea... I don't know yet I will have to go check everyones posts later tonight :)

So, without further adieu i give you the lyrics to Shawn Colvins lovely song If these Walls could Speak.

If these Walls could speak

If these old walls, if these old walls could speak.
What a tale they have to tell, hard headed people raisin' hell.
A couple in love livin' week to week.
Rooms full of laughter, if these old walls could speak.

If these old halls, if hallowed halls could talk.
These would have a tale to tell, the sun goin' down and dinner bells.
And children playin' at hide and seek.
From floor to rafters, if these old walls could speak.

They would tell you that I'm sorry.
For bein' and cold and blind and weak.
They would tell you that it's only that I have a stubborn streak.
If these old walls could speak.

If these old fashion window panes had eyes.
I guess they would have seen it all.
Each little tear and silence step fall.
And every dream that we came to seek,
And followed after, if these old walls could speak.

They would tell you that I owe you,
More that I could ever pay.
Here's someone who really loves you,
Don't ever go away.
That's what these walls would say.

To all the women in my circle

A friend sent this to me today, I loved it so much I figured I would share it here.

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, "Let's cry together,"
another, "Let's fight together,"
another, "Let's walk away together."

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
another your shoe fetish,
another your love for movies,
another will be with you in your season of confusion,
another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
on whatever the occasion,
on whatever the day,
or wherever you need them to meet you with their
gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
but for many, it's wrapped up in several...
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on others, your sisters,
and on some days, your daughters.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!! :)


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Teenage Glam

Wow. The memories that these pictures bring back... It makes me giggle a little bit:)

It all started the summer I was 16... Our family was all in Connecticut visiting my grandparents (by all I mean ALL. My cousins were all there with their parents as well). We had just had a huge get together with all the extended family for the holiday and as things were winding down my cousin Harvest, her friend Tiffany, and I all got into my makeup bag and started playing around. I did Harvests make-up, she did Tiff's and Tiff did mine... We all made our hair up with my barrettes and headbands and what not, and then our cousin Joey walked around the neighborhood taking pictures of us. We walked to the corner store and posed out front. We walked to a bridal dress and prom dress store and pretended to be mannequins. We walked to the cemetery and took pictures hiding behind gravestones *creepy*... All in all it was a great time, Joey even let us put make-up on him, haha he looked sooooo funny. He was the coolest adult ever... He was in his 20's at the time. I wish I had a picture of him that night it would be GREAT blackmail material.

The dressing up did not stop there for me. I was kindof 'out there' I guess. I wore faux fur coats to school with lam`e (I don't know how to make that word look right... its that shiny fabric...) mini dresses and big platform jelly shoes. I wore zebras striped shirts and my beloved black plastic pants... And then the next day I would come all granola'd out with a little hippie flowy sundress thingie on over some old jeans and flip flops... Complete with a crocheted hat I stole from my mother that she wore in the 70's. I had several vintage dresses from the 60's and 70's that I wore with such style people were always jealous :) my favorite was a mini dress with the long bell sleeves. It was a horrible itchy polyester fabric with a white background and huge orange flowers. I wore it with knee high white boots... I loved my clothes!!!

But of all my wardrobe one of my favorite items was the afore mentioned pair of black plastic pants. I was the first one in my school brave enough to buy them and wear them. After I started wearing them several other people started to get them too... But I was first:) I loved those pants. They were shiny, and black, and sexy and comfy, and oh sooooo me. I wish I had more pictures of me in these pants, better pictures... But this is all I could find. And no, it was not Halloween... Just a random day in the life of Georgia. I don't dress like this anymore *sigh* but sometimes I wish I still had these pants.

I will leave you with several pictures I found. The first 2 are of me in my pants, although you can only see the pants in one picture... Just know that they are there.

I would have been just 17 in these first 2 as we had just moved into a new house, that is me in the unfinished basement.

And yes... I am totally grabbing my boobs. I don't remember why exactly but I do know it was because of something my mom had just said... In the original photo you can just barely see me mom looking at me with a look of confusion and horror on her face. I cropped it out because it did not scan well, but if you can imagine it that way it makes the picture even funnier.

And these next three are from the first time, the original 'Glam' photo shoot in Connecticut. July 4th 1996... Sixteen years old... Weird.

In the first photo Harvest is on the left and Tiffany is on the right.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Busy busy week :)

WOW! What a busy week this has been!! Monday was Kayden's Birthday, he turned 5 years old. I can't believe it, I am really not sure how that much time has passed. But his birthday was great. In his kindergarten class they did the cutest little birthday thing for him. I got to go into his class and be the "sun" and he got to be the "earth". All the kids in his class sat in a circle on the floor around Kayden and I, while I sat in a chair that was surrounded by yellow "rays" of sunshine made from paper that had the months written on them. Kayden stood next to me holding a globe. His teacher walked in and started talking.

"In the Milkyway Galaxy, on the Planet Earth, on the Continent of North America, in the state of Arizona, in the city of Mesa... Kayden was born... And then he became a traveler!"

Kayden started walking around me stepping on the rays of sunshine while all the kids in his class sang.

"The Earth goes around the sun, Fa La La La La La La. The Earth goes around the Sun, Fa La La La La La La."

Kayden stopped and stood on November. And his teacher asked the class.

"How old is Kayden?"

Everyone in class yells out


And his teacher asked me something that happened when he was one. Then the whole thing was repeated. The class singing the song, while Kayden holding the globe walkes around me and eventually stops on November. They do this 5 times until he is "five" years old. And then his teacher brought him a candle to blow out and make a wish.

It was the GREATEST!!!! He was so proud of himself and he still is talking about how cool it was. :)

We had a little party for him today with just some family. Here are a couple pictures from that. You can click them to see them larger.

Also this week was Thanksgiving (as if you didn't already know that...). My parents and sister came into town for the holiday. It was really fun seeing them all. My parents are pretty cool, and my sister is freaking awesome. She and I had a good time staying up late talking and watching a zombie movie.

My Auntie Karen had us all over to her house and we all stuffed ourselves silly on turkey and mashed potatoes, and homeade rolls *yum*, and the best stuffing ever, and my homeade cranberry relish... Mmmmm... I am hungry again.

Somehow I ended up not getting many pictures of any of us on Thanksgiving, but I did get a few, and my sister got a couple too.

Here is me and my little sister Hye Soo. She is such a hottie, every guy she meets falls madly in love with her. :) And look at my teeny tiny pig tails... hehe.

And here is one of me and Kael playing around in the grass. Hye Soo took this one for me.

Here is one from today at Kaydens party.

I am soooo tired now. We have had a week full of late nights and lots of good times. I will miss my family (they are driving home in the morning), but we are going to go up to Utah to visit for Christmas. I can't wait!

Well, I should get going... I have a ton of dishes to clean up from the party today. But, before I go I will leave you with this little gem that my sister recorded today... warning. I am being totally STUPID. I was singing songs like Edith Bunker from the Archie Bunker show.... I warn you, it is bad... really bad. This is what a lot of late nights and hanging around my sister will do to me... Gheeeeee!!! And really, I don't always sing this badly, usually i am not quite this horrid ;)

Singing like Edith

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Wedding Dress

Here I am a couple weeks after Chad and I got married, in his parents back yard for our second wedding reception (we had 2, one in Utah and one in Arizona). That is me... on the left in the wedding dress, and I am with my wonderful Auntie Beanhead (really her name is Karen I just started calling her beanhead when I lived with her after high school. I designed that dress myspelf, I wish i had a better picture of it... but alas I seem to have misplaced all of my wedding photo's except a few that other people took and gave to us... GAH!!!! I hope i find them when we move... *fingers crossed*

This is one of the more Glamorous days of my life, and until I get this new computer set up with Photo shop and all my other goodies I will have to settle for posting pictures that I have already scanned. Next week I have a DOOZY for you all... HA! You will get to see a WHOLE other side of me... You may have heard about it, but next week you will have the pleasure (or misfortune.. I can't decide which) of seeing me in a different light... Think plastic pants and corset tops... hehe

Go see other Glam people here.

Oh!!! I almost forgot to ask, does my blog show up funny on anyones screen? I used to use Safari as a browser and everything looked fine, but now I have switched to a different computer and I use Firefox or Internet Explorer... Both of them have my blog with the links all the way down at the bottom of the page below all my entries... and sometimes a video I posted up in the right hand column where my links all used to live when i used Safari... Just curious if it looks like this to anyone else... GRRRRR. I guess I am going to have to tweak my template or something.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Why Batman and Church do not go together

Ahhh... Memories :) This is a post from my mypace blog I wrote this year in January... Fun times REALLY!!! :) I am glad the Batman phase is finally (mostly) over. I figured I would repost it here as It gave me a good laugh remembering this little time in our lives.

Why Batman and church do not go together.

Okay... Here is my rant for the day.

My dear sweet son Kayden is a HOLY TERROR! I kid you not this child just might be demon spawn... At least it seems that way some days. Like today, or any Sunday for that matter. Church has to be one of our most difficult experiences as a family. You see all those perfect little families with the cute, perfectly behaved, clean, happy to be there kids sitting in the chapel all folding their arms and listening with a serene look on their faces. Occasionally spewing forth some scripture or something church related to their proud parents who gaze at the child lovingly and then look at eachother smiling to themselves... Patting themselves on the back for a job well done. You know the ones. The "Perfect" family. People are always telling them how "perfect" little Jimmy is. "Oh, he is such a wonderful boy." Jimmy's parent's are sooo proud. He never gives them trouble. Blah blah blah!!!

Well, That is SOOOO not my family. We are the family sitting in the very back row, right next to the door... Just incase one of us needs to make a quick exit with a screaming child.

Every week it is the same thing. Before we go to church I sit down with Kayden and we have a little talk. I tell him how we are supposed to act, and tell him how I expect him to act. "Kayden, if your teacher asks you to do something you need to listen to her okay?" To which he responds, "Mom, call me Batman. I am Batman today, not Kayden." Hmmm... Okay. "Batman, what will you do today when your teacher asks you to listen?" Batman then says, "I will kick the bad guys and shoot them with my pshoom thing (That is what Kayden, I mean Batman calls the gun things that the batman toys shoot.)!" Um, allrighty then. I see I am not getting too far with this. So I try something else... "Kayden can you be a big helper today for your teacher?" A very angry looking child then says "You called me Kayden AGAIN! I already told you. I AM BATMAN... Who is Kayden anyway?!?!" (No, Im not joking... He did say that, says it all the time.) Well, Its time to go to church now so I cross my fingers hoping for the best.

When we arrive at church "Batman" is wearing jeans, a long sleeve stripey t-shirt and some grundgy semi dressy shoes. Sigh... At least we are here right? I think to myself.
When we sit down (Back row) is when it starts. I can almost feel it coming, like the rumble of a train as it comes down the track towards you. Far enough away that you can't hear it yet, but you know its there and it is coming. I try to get Jett and Kayden to sit quietly in their seats. I am prepared to fight this war. Armed with an arsenal of treats, books, crayons, quiet toys... You name it, I've got it. But the books are boring apparently (they must take after their father) the treats are gone almost as soon as I pull them out, and the toys, although quiet can still grab someones attention from three rows up when launched at their head by a screaming 19 month old. Oh dear... That train I was worried about has now arrived at the station a little ahead of schedule. Well, I guess its time to walk the hallways for a bit then return for the closing hymn. Ahhh, the closing hymn. I can't tell you what the hymn was because as soon as the organ music begins to play and people begin to sing Jett breaks out in a thrilling rendition of Twinkle Twinkle ABC.... Its his own creation, a mix of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABC's... WOW, that kid has some lungs, maybe I will put him in voice lessons in a few years.

Finally it is time to bring the kids to their classes. Jett, long overdue for a nap is delirous at this point and proceeds to lay down on the floor in the hallway and "go night night". So I pick him up and drag him to nursery. You are going to play with these kids and eat snacks and you will DAMN well enjoy it!

Then its off to Kaydens... oh wait, Batmans class. I see a look of dread cross his teachers face as he walks in, she is quick to hide it however and smiles at him sweetly. "Come with me Kayden." "Im BATMAN!" He says and jumps into the air executing a perfect karate ninja type kick. I quickly run out of the room praying that today can be the day that he will sit through class and be good.

About this time I am really wanting to sneak out of the building and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke the whole F&..@ing thing... Ahhh SO relaxing! But then I remember I don't smoke, havn't had one in like 7 years or something so I guess thats out of the question.

About 10 minutes into my last class I see my husbands head poke into the room, I can see he is not exactly happy. So, I pick up baby Kael and all my belongings to meet him in the hall. "We are going home." He informs me. I see that Kayden is standing behind him. What happened I ask him. "Batman didn't do anything!" He tells me. And then Chad tells me the real story. Apparently Batman was running around the primary room punching and kicking the air, spinning on his chair and letting out with the occasional unintelligible yell... Fun, sounds like what he does when we are at home.

So, we go pick up Jett, drag him out of his happy playtime. Load all three of the screaming children into the car, and head home. Aaahhhh home sweet home. Where the cribs and beds are. where my kids will sleep... YEAH!

So... That is a day in the life of the Cranston family... more specifically our typical sunday routine. Fun stuff! Really! I wonder how Super Nanny does it. Cuz I have tried all the "techniques" and I am beginning to think they are all al big steaming pile of poop! Oh well.

I really do love my kids, its just that sometimes I feel my sanity sneaking away from me, and really that is not so fun. Kayden can be soooo sweet when he wants to be too. Like just now as I tucked him into bed he pulled me in close and gave me a great big hug. "Mommy." "Yes Batman?" I say "Oh, Im not Batman anymore. I am Kayden." He replies "Oh, I'm sorry. What's up Kayden?" And here it comes.... "I just want to tell you that I love you." He says smililng at me. "And you have been such a good girl today that I am going to let you play wih my video games tomorrow when the sun wakes up!"

Oh yeah! Now I remember. That is the reason I am a mom. :)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


November's theme for Self Portrait Challenge is Glam...

"Lets ditch those imperfections and go all out GLAM. Yes lets glam it up with some disco, diamonds and glitter.

I suggest some gorgeous shots - really over do it on the posing and makeup and dress ups and show us the extrovert you. The sexy mama in the kitchen with the peek-a-boo apron or how about some diamonds on those dungarees, stilettos, feathers and lycra. Looking for ideas then go no further than Glam Rock as your inspiration, KISS, David Bowie, and Queen and Garry Glitter. Glam means dressing androgynously in make up and glittery, florid costumes such as David Bowie during his Ziggy Stardust phase or The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Get Glam everyone!"

So... I thought about it for a while and had a few idea's... but realized I do not have the wardrobe necessary to do what I was thinking... I do not own a stitch of clothing that would fit into my minds idea of "Glam"... I did however find an old black slip that I used to wear about 10 years ago under a cute little baby doll dress that would no longer fit me unless I lost about 15 pounds and did not mind my girly parts peeking out from under the hem... which I do mind so I don't wear it. I don't wanna go all Paris Hilton on everyone flashin' my business around town... but I digress... back to the slip... :)

The little black slip kinda looked like a little black dress... which as all women know is VERY glamorous. So.... *drum roll please* I give you a kinda glamorous looking Georgia in a pretend little black dress... which I realize now I mostly cropped out of the picture... DOH!

And then one more that I still kinda like but is not the one I chose for the challenge this week...

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

What I need

Sometimes I don't have the words I need to express what I am feeling. Sometimes I do not know how exactly to make myself heard. Sometimes I am afraid that if I do say something it will be too much and then the people in my life will not be able to listen and they will turn away... I am worried that If I make known these things that live in my head that I will be thought of as negative and unhappy... I do not want to bring anybody down, and I do not want to be "dark and twisty" all of the time.

I try so hard to be positive, and have a cheerful disposition. Not to walk into the shadowy areas of my thoughts... But sometimes I cannot avoid it. There are times that I cannot control how I feel... This is apparently one of those times.

The last couple months have been difficult for me. I show a happy face and laugh off what happened acting like it was really no big thing, but in truth it has left a mark. I never thought that I cared so much what other people thought. I guess that sometimes I really do care. Why do I care, what does it really matter?

I am upset that I am so misunderstood. Frustrated that I was not really heard. Irritated that any of this ever became an issue in the first place. I find myself not wanting to attend my church meetings because it is inevitable that I will see the person who has hurt me. I also find myself suffering spiritually as a result of my self imposed break from church. But every week when it is time, I start to feel panicky and the thought of walking through those doors becomes more than I can deal with... So I lay back down and "sleep" until it is too late to go anymore.

And now with the questions... "Georgia, where have you been?? We have not seen you in weeks!" "Have you been out of town?" "Have you been sick, do you need anything?" Questions from people who really do care, who are "friends" of a sort... Not the people I can bear my soul to, but still friends. How do I say that all I need is to just be accepted for being me, and for that (being me) to be ok. That different is not bad... I just have a different perspective on life. I have different experiences, I dress differently, act differently, have different friends... And all of that is alright, not only is it alright, but it is GOOD!!!

These last couple months have been hard, they have taken a toll... I have lost about 7 pounds all because I cannot eat. I have to consciously make the decision to eat and then practically force myself... Unless its chocolate or Dr. Pepper.. Go figure. Not eating scares me, I don't want my eating disorder to take over again... Boo to that, 13 years is long enough. Half of my life spent on being bulimic, yuck. I want to be more that just that. I have GOT to pull it all together.

Moving to Utah will be good for me, I have so many more friends there. Friends that I have had for so long, who know me completely. It has been so long since I have sat and just been with people that close to my own soul. How many years since I have just lounged around in a pile with my dear friends and been able to laugh and cry and dance and be myself... Be free.

I hope our move happens soon. I have to get away from here... I need to hold hands with my girls, to spill my guts out to them, to finally sit together again.

I swear, I am not always like this. Usually I am the happy go lucky, fun loving girl. Always out for adventure... I love my life, I love the people in it. I have been blessed in more ways than I could ever list. But right now, in this moment I want to crawl into a little ball and hide under a blanket. I would give anything to see my old group of friends right now. Anything just to sit with them and breathe in their air. Just to sit under the stars in silence because none of us ever even needed words...

Candy eating zombie children

Hmmm... I love Halloween. I love it A LOT!!! I like to get dressed up and walk around with the kids so that I can eat all their chocolate and leave them all the smarties and tootsie rolls... So, that is my halloween themed imperfection... I am a chocolate stealing thief... That's right, when I say "its like taking candy from a baby..." Well, lets just say that I MEAN IT!!! ;)

We took this photo on Saturday after we took the kids "trunk-or-treating". For those of you who are saying trunk-or-whaaaa??? It is when you go to a church parking lot or somewhere like that and everyone decorates the trunks of their cars and the kids walk from car to car trick or treating... Its nice, it takes only an hour tops and the kids get as much candy or more than they would walking the neighborhood... And if you are like me then you can pull out all the good stuff and then re-use the other stuff on halloween to hand out at the door... BRILLIANT! (I am terrible I know...)

Happy Halloween folks. You can go see other imperfections here

Friday, October 27, 2006

Good day

Today (actually yesterday if I am being technical...) was a good day. I finally figured out how to solder without it looking like a big blob of metallic poop. I created some fun little things... They are not entirely finished yet so no pictures.... but soon :)

I had a parent teacher conference with Kaydens kindergarten teacher (actually a sub because his teacher had her baby and wont be back till january...) And she told me Kayden is doing really well. no behavioral issues at all, the only thing he ever has a problem with is staying on task... hmmmm, sounds like he got that one from me. HA!

Infact, the only thing I could possibly complain about is that there was no new episode of Greys Anatomy tonight... No McDreamy... No George... :( I thought for sure it was on... but nope, the info said it was a rerun... boohoo. And i have been dying to know who the McHottie is that McDreamy apparently does the McNasty with... I know who it wasn't !!!!

Well, I am off to bed. Wish me a creative productive day tomorrow. Send my hubby good vibes so he remembers to send off his resume tomorrow to the company in Utah he wants to work for. So that we can MOVE AWAY FROM THIS HELL HOLE called Arizona... Mmmm... I am looking forward to this move. Oh yeah, by the way... We have decided to move to Utah! WHEEEEEE!!!!!!! :)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Peeking out

Lately I have been feeling like I want to do more. I have felt this many times in my life and usually I wait till it passes... But this time I am exploring my options a little more. As a mother of 3 young boys, a wife and homemaker, it seems I don't have much time to do the things I really want to do. But recently I have been making that time and it feels nice.

I want to do more. When I was 18 I had a fleeting dream of opening up a small shop where I sold found objects that I remade into art. I never did this, instead I became a Massage Therapist (which I really do love, but I sometimes get irritated with). I got married and started having kids. That has been my life these last years. A life that I love, but now I fell I need to do more. I have many many ideas running through my head, no longer do I want the little shop... but perhaps an online store??? My mom did it. And she knows NOTHING of computers...

Some of you have seen this photo already as I took it a couple weeks ago... But it fits well with my imperfection this week so I am using it:) My imperfection is that I am hesitant to actually step forward and so what it is that I want. I am unsure of how to approach it, how to find enough time, how to be successful with it... I know that i am good at the things I do... I don't know why I don't just jump forward and do it.

So, here I am peeking outside at what I want to do, what I could be doing... but I have not stepped out yet. Soon... soon I will take that step.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Late night drinking

That... Is me. It happens to be a picture of me right off of work... Tired, sore, hungry, and did I mention tired? A full night of giving massage with no breaks can do that to ya. Look at my uber sexy uniform shirt... can you see that I let it sit in the dryer a bit too long... nice curly collar there huh? ;)

Now... This one is me, after I get home from work, shower, change the clothes, and mosey on over to the Circle K around the corner. I admit it... I am hopelessly addicted to Dr. Pepper. Do you seeeeee how happy it made me? Mmmmmm, Dr. Pepper. Nothing better to drink late at night, or early in the morning, or mid-afternoon even... sweet syrupy goodness in carbonated form. YUM!!!

Go see other imperfections here

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

My true self

Well.... This month should be rather interesting. For the entire month of October we will be exploring our imperfect selves for the Self Portrait Challenge...

The Challenge: Look beyond the surface of your life, dig into your imperfect self and reveal it to us. I want to see the down and dirty you, the messy, gross and ugly you, the side of yourself that you always try to hide, give us some insight into your dreadful secrets. This can be your physical self or your personal space or within your wider life. Be not afraid!

Oh DEAR!!!!! So, yeah... my imperfect self. I guess the question is, just how much about myself am I willing to divulge? I think I will start small this week. Work my way up to the bigger, uglier things.

This is me. I find that I do not show my whole face to the world most of the time. I feel like I do not have a voice, I swallow my voice and keep everything inside. I tend to get flustered and lose my train of thought and speech when I get upset or feel attacked. This results in me saying nothing. I will sit there and not say anything even when I feel I really need to say something. This eats away at me and as a result I turn more inward, getting more silent, hiding who I am even more.

Over the years I have found that I am able to open up and be just me around certain people. These people have been my foundation... They are able to see and recognize when I am shutting down. They know I am trying in my own way to remain safe, and they know that the end result is never very good. These people are able to reach a hand over my wall I have built and help me back out. They will sit and talk with me for hours, or just sit in silence... They will tell me if I am being ridiculous, to snap out of it when I need to. They will push me in the right direction, and help me to figure out what it is my heart is really trying to say. They "know" me. They have seen the face I have a hard time showing, and somehow, miracle of miracles, they are still here. Still here, walking with me on my path through life. They have lived with me through the ugliest of ugly and they LOVE still.

I am working on showing my whole self, I am becoming more vocal... Even if it is only in the form of writing a blog. It is a start. I hope that one day I will be able to speak with no hesitation, I will just be myself... I am thankful that I have people in my life like my husband. Also I am grateful that I have been blessed with such friends. People that have known me forever, and have seen me during the absolute worst of it. These people are my true north in life. They all help me to be my true self.

Go see other imperfections here

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Random late night drawings

All three drawings are using Sharpie pens and Prisma Color pencils.. I *heart* Prisma colors and Sharpies... :)

I have been in kind of a funk lately. When I am in a funk my art takes on a completely different form than when I am all happy happy joy joy. I was looking at some random late night drawings of mine tonight and figured I might as well post them. My "funk" art has distinguishing characteristics... people are weird colors, faces are usually distorted or elongated... But I still kinda like it.

I will have to post some of my "non-funk" art here soon :) I guess I should not say that people are only weird colors in my funk art... because they tend to be weird colors in general really... but, they still have a very different feel about them. I don't really know how to describe it. I will just have to post some soon.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Free hugs

I would love to meet this man. All that I know is that his name is Juan, and he is handing out free hugs. Just imagine what the world would be like if we were all a little more like Juan...

I am off to give away some free hugs, come join me :)


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

With Sarah

The first time I actually remember talking to Sarah she told me that she had just told her mom and step-dad if they did not buy her a kitten she was going to get pregnant, she also told me she was saving up her money (she had a job at KFC) to run away... I would have been about 14 years old at the time, and she was 15.

I knew who Sarah was, as we went to school together and our wards met in the same church building, just at different times. On this particular day I was walking home from church and she was ditching church. She walked up next to me and just started talking. We had never spoken before and within 15 minutes I knew where she worked, who she liked, and many other things I will just keep under my hat. I don't think I actually said much at all, and once I got where I was going we parted ways and I did not think much of it after that.

Fast forward about 2 years. I am now 16 years old working at KFC. Another girl named Alexis has just started working with me. I went to elementary school and junior high with her, now we are in High school together too... However we were never friends.

One night after work we decide to go out for ice cream and we REALLY hit it off. We immediately become fast friends, and she tells me that her best friend Sarah will be coming home soon. I realize that this is the same Sarah who had told me about wanting to get pregnant if she could not have that kitty...

Alexis tells me that for the last 14 months Sarah has been in a program for troubled teens called Turnabout. She is coming home in a few weeks, and Alexis can hardly wait to see her again. They have been allowed limited contact through letters since Sarah was sent away. She tells me all about Sarah, and I in turn start to feel excited about meeting her again. It seems we have a lot in common.

Well, the day came that Sarah came home, and the first place she came after seeing her family was to KFC. Our boss Scott offered her a job right away and after thinking for a while her mom allowed her to take it. Who would have guessed that Lexi, Sarah, and I would become such good friends.

From that day on the three of us were inseparable. We worked the same shifts, tried to have the same classes at school... And on nights where for some reason one of us was not working but another one was we would all meet at closing and close the shop together regardless of being on the clock or not. We would go to Village Inn late at night and bear our souls. We would stay the night at eachothers houses each weekend. We were the three stooges.

One day we found out that Sarah was moving to California. We were all devastated and my mom offered to let Sarah live with us. Her mom and Step-dad said no... So off they went to California. It lasted only a month before her Mom called mine and asked if the offer still stood. Sarah was unhappy and her mom felt it would be best to let her come back and have here senior year with us. So... A week later Sarah moved in with me.

We were roommates for quite some time as her bedroom was not finished. We literally slept in the same bed, shared the same clothes, drove the same car in to school everyday (we had a 25 minute commute to my school because we had moved to a new home), worked the same schedule at work, had MANY of the same classes at school, and drove home together at the end of the night. We never really fought much. Sometimes we would get mad at eachother when one of us made a stupid decision with a guy (Oy!!! We were sooooo stupid!) but for the most part we got along perfectly. We had eachother's backs in EVERYTHING. We had oh so many adventures... And misadventures together. We completed eachothers sentences, read eachothers thoughts, and understood eachother when nobody else possibly could have.

Eventually our senior year ended. We graduated, Sarah moved out of my parents house in to a rented house, and I moved to Arizona. We both sent many letters to eachother, ran up huge phone bills, and tried to adjust to life without being near to our dearest friend. Somehow we adjusted, and moved on in our lives. Somehow we had a falling out over something so stupid I have a hard time actually thinking about it. Somehow we both got over ourselves and after nearly two years of not talking she called me and we talked, and talked, and talked... Now we talk every week on the phone. We see eachother only once or twice a year *sigh* but we are still close like we were so many years ago. Still we can know what the other is thinking without them having to say, and we still both feel a pull when the other is having a difficult time and we know it is time to call.

I love my Sarah.

Friday, September 22, 2006

A song... And a day at the park

This morning as I was getting the little ones up and ready for the day, a friend of mine called to see if I wanted to join her and her kiddies at the park up the street from my house. So, I got everyone dressed and fed, dropped Kayden off at school... And then Jett, Kael and I met them at the park.

It is BEAUTIFUL outside today. It was about 74 degrees with a really nice gently breeze. *sigh* If only EVERYDAY in Arizona could be this lovely. Ah, well... I don't have to deal with icky cold winters so I should not complain I suppose. :)

Kael, pretty much sat in the sand the whole time and mashed it around in his fingers and tried to swallow the occasional mouthful...

And Jett... well, he ran races against his shadow and climbed the jungle gyms. Once or twice he also tried running away... Such a little booger!

All in all it has been a great day so far. Tonight Chad and I are going to play lazer tag with a big group of friends, it should be fun... Hopefully I can convince him afterwards to take me to see The Last Kiss... i have been DIEING to see it since I first saw the previews and heard the soundtrack. We shall see, he is not a huge fan of going to the movies...

And finally, I have gotten around to posting another song for you all. I hit SEVERAL really funky notes in the beginning, but whatever. My voice is finally starting to work again. I lost it several weeks ago, and it always seems to take quite some time to come back fully. It is almost there now, YAY. I was getting really irritated with not being able to sing while I was cleaning or showering.

So here it is, the song is called "Let me go down quick" by Sean Wood. I am hoping that someday soon he will be coming out with a CD... His voice is like velvet.

this is an audio post - click to play

Have a beautiful weekend!!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

With the Hubby

Well, I had to dig into the archives for this one. Chad (hubby) is not very obliging in allowing me to take many pictures of him. He HATES pictures infact so I have very few of the two of us together... *sigh* But sometimes, he makes me smile and lets me take a few. This is one of those few. Taken earlier this year at the Sand Dunes.

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The first time we met I kneed him in the balls... Since then I have done that a few more times, and given him a bloody nose... ( I cannot be held responsible for the things that happen when I am being tickled...)

He is rather conservative compared to me... I am much more Liberal.

He wore pink fuzzy slippers everywhere we went for about a year... I finally gave in and bought him a pair of pink bunny ones.

We are Mormon... He had lots of scriptural knowledge... I have lots of life knowledge.

I wore a nose ring (rather well I should add)... He despised it and begged me to take it out.

He likes my hair to be "normal"... I really really want my hair to be green and pink.

I am trying to decide exactly where I want my tattoo... He just asks that it is small and inconspicuous.

His idea of heaven is going to the Dunes with a toy hauler, some quads, and a sandrail... I would like to sit on a cliff overlooking the ocean, tasting the salty breeze.

He is a technological whiz... I am technologically challenged... But I am learning:)

He listens to Metallica... It makes my ears bleed, I prefer the hippie acoustic stuff:)

I want to live all over the world... He wants to stay near family and friends.

I want adventure... He wants stability

He has to force me to spend any money on myself... I almost have a heart attack when he MAKES me spend it.

I LOVE going to the movies... He likes to watch them at home where he controls the sound and he can pause it.

He thinks flowers are a waste of money, instead he buys me art supplies... I love flowers, but I love my art supplies even more.

We ground eachother.
We are the best of friends.
We teach eachother to see and appreciate the differences in everyone.
We have amazing conversations.
We almost never fight... ALMOST.
We have built a great life.
We have beautiful children.
We help eachother get through the difficult times with grace and dignity.
We are perfect for eachother in all of our imperfections.
We are soul mates...

I love my husband Chad.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Hanging with Jetty Spagetti

This week I am with my Jett. I seem to spend most of my time with him these days as Kayden is now in school and Kael takes a rather long nap everyday.

It has been really fun getting to spend so much time with him. He is hilarious. He makes the funniest faces when he talks and he is always so excited... He is also your typical two year old. Major attitude... He loves to tell me NO MOMMY, you NOT the charge of me! And he tries to tell us all what to do. But, even with his ginormous attitude he is just about the sweetest kid ever. I just love my Jetty Spagetti :)

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Today we went outside while Kael was napping and shot this picture. I was showing him a trail of ants that was moving through the grass to their hill by the sidewalk. He was VERY excited about the "spiders" as he called them. All bugs are either "car roaches" or spiders to him, I try to teach him the real names, but I still think its funny when he see's a fly or a moth and he squeals "CAR ROACH!!!!!!".

We named him Jett because of how he was born. I was in labor for only an hour and about 15 minutes total. This kid was in a hurry to start life. He was in such a hurry that our midwife (we do home birth) was not able to make it in time so my wonderful hubby got to do it all himself! :) When Pam (midwife) got to our house a few minutes later she jokingly said we should name him Jett because he was so fast. So, we did:)

Monday, September 11, 2006

I would never write...

This weeks writing prompt for Sunday Scribblings is "I would never write". WEll... This week I have a lot of things on my mind, but one major thing comes to mind. And when it all came up I sat in silence and said nothing to defend myself. I weakly tried to explain some things but I knew it would not change anything. I went home and thought about it all during the week and now, a week later I do feel like I have a lot to say. Part of this person's issue was that I choose to share so much in my blogs over the internet.... And although I needed to vent and write to clear my mind I never did because I was scared to at first. Well, now with this prompt I will say some of the things that "I would never write". You can also see more scribblings here

I would never write about how frustrated I am about his whole thing. About how you took everything I have said and done and twisted it around to make it into something it is not. And I am even more frustrated because you honestly think that is the way it was. You really really don't know who I am at all.

I would never write that although I can see your points on some things I still do not agree with them. And that because you have control over certain things in my life I have complied with some of what you wanted even if I did not want to. I took down some of the things that were of such concern to you because I saw how some people could see it the wrong way... Now I regret it. I am ANGRY that I compromised what I believe to submit to someone else's beliefs of what I need to be in my life. I took them down, and that is all I can do. The other things you want me to "work on" do not in my mind need any attention at this time.

I would never write that after I was let go, one of my girls wrote me a note telling me that I was the ONLY one who understood her and that I have made a difference... That even though I am not the "right kind of influence" it seems like I was able to make a connection with someone who needed me, and this happened because I do not quite fit that mold you are looking for. If I was one of the other cookie cutter leaders who all think and act the same way this girl would not have felt understood or loved or felt that it is OK to feel the way she does.

I would never write that I have lived through these kinds of judgments my whole life and even if you are unhappy with who I am and what I am doing I am actually getting happier. I feel better, and free. I know what is in my heart even if your judgment has been clouded by your vision.

I would never write that this is why I hated living in Utah, and why my time in high school was HELL to me. Everyone thought they were so good and righteous, when really they were no better than any one else. I am not saying that about you, because I know differently. Your heart is in the right place but your ears are not listening and your eyes do not see.

I would never write that the thought of severing all ties with these people you so disapprove of kills me. I cannot do it, you have no idea who and what they are to me. They were the light at the end of my tunnel more times than I can name. They saved me and I owe them more than a quick, simple good-bye. I owe them a continued friendship, even though you can not see through what you believe about that.

I will write that I thank you for your concern, I know your intentions are good. I just hope that you are able to open your eyes a little and think outside of this box for a bit. In your position you need to be able to view things from other peoples perspectives aside from your own. You will never be able to relate to someone if you cannot try to see their life through their eyes. Your job is NOT to tell us what we are doing wrong and force us to comply. You are here to help us along our journey, give council and if ever there were a time that someone would come to you needing your guidance then it is your job to guide. I really think that you are good at what you do, and I appreciate having you there. I know you are doing the best that you know have... But understand I am too.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


Written for a dear friend.

It is unedited and raw... and perhaps a little cheesy... But my friend knows that I am unedited and raw... and even a little cheesy :)

Written for a day long ago, for a memory that never fails to bring a smile... For my friend: I hope you are smiling now, and that you can discover more such moments. That you can have that connection we spoke of. Much love to you, and thank you as always for all these years. From sliding down the banana slides at Disney Land, and walking around in the middle of the night on Halloween after your fight with "The Crow", to sitting in the car and speaking volumes in silence while watching the stars.

Give me a moment
Something to cling to when its dark
Something to remember

Give me a memory
Somthing to think on when I'm cold
Like that day in December

Searching the faces in the crowd
I found you
Standing by a pillar

In that moment there was
Nothing else beyond us
You and I together

These moments come fast
Flying away all too quickly
please try to remember

These moments don't last
I wont forget, I'll hold on
Like that day in December

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

SPC: IHOPpin' it with Jessica

September is with someone month - that means you must include someone else in your self portrait. Someone meaningful to your life or to the moment or to a specific event that you wish to document.

1. each week in the month use a different person in your self portait.
2. either talk about that person or illustrate in the photograph why you have included them and how they are meaningful.

Allrighty then:) Well... for week number one I chose my dear Jessi B. Jessica and I have been friends for nearly 4 years now. We met at ASMT (Arizona School of Massage Therapy) when we were both training for our new jobs as Classroom Managers at that school. Little did we know at the time that we would become such good friends.

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Our friendship actually started when one night we went to IHOP and stayed up far too late talking and laughing after work. Thus IHOP night was born. Once... sometimes twice a week after work we would go to IHOP and stay there till the wee hours of morning. wE would laugh and cry and laugh some more. Other CM's started joining us and soon it was THE place to be on a Thursday night. The conversations we had... The things we did:) *sigh* I miss it soooo!!! I do believe that IHOP was one of my favorite memories of the 2 years I worked there. I grew to love these friends of mine so much there.

Well, on Sunday night a Jessi B. and I decided to go to IHOP. Jessica M. was also supposed to meet us there but she could not make it :( She will have to come next time... The night was SO great. It was also VERY needed, I think for both of us as we had both had very odd and stressful days.

The trip was not QUITE what it always used to be... we were at a different IHOP, with a different waitress (We used to have a waiter named Big John who was just awesome, and so loveable. He always knew what we were ordering before we ordered and had a caraffe of Dr. Pepper ready for us when we walked in. He would sit with us and talk while we were there for hours and hours.) But all in all it was a lovely evening and just what each of us needed.

I just love my Jessica, she is such a good friend and being able to hang with her the other night was a treat. Hooray for good friends and IHOP food!!! :)

And, for kicks here is an OLD IHOP picture from about 3 years ago... It is Me, Jessi B, and the guy in the middle is my dear friend Bryant. Oh, how I love my IHOP friends... Such good times.

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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Experimenting with my new camera

Today I got to play with my new camera a bit. I have not done too much with it yet because I don't actually know what all to do... I am figuring it all out though. I haven't a clue when it comes to things such as shutter speed and all that... I have never taken a photography class so I am trying to teach myself and it is slow going.

I took these shots today and I have to say I am rather pleased with them. A friend of my husbands suggested changing the shutter speed and some other stuff... I will have to try all that tomorrow when I figure out what he meant, and how to do it too... :)

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

In my red kitchen

It is Tuesday, and the final day of this months Self Portrait Challenge for "Enclosed space"...
I am kinda glad because I was running out of idea's to do for this theme... As you can tell by how i am stretching it this week.

This week I am enclosed in my red kitchen. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my walls in my kitchen. When I was pregnant with my second baby I decided that there should be no white walls in my house... well, at least not very many. So I decided to paint my kitchen red. But not just any red, oh nooooo... A very neat faux treatment red.

I called my aunt over and she helped me plan and paint the walls. We made two different glazes, one out of a barn red paint and one out of a golden yellow paint. Then we grabbed these weird paint tools that look like they have artificial grass on them, and went to town smearing the two paints on the walls in huge swirls. We had no idea what it would turn out like when we started... we don't usually plan it all out really well, we just decide what might look neat. And usually it works out really well. And in this case it did.

My kitchen walls can sometimes look like a huge fire ball... and some people come into my home with their jaws on the floor. I guess its not everyones cup of tea... but it sure is mine.

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On another note, I think my body is trying to tell me something... Last week I had what seemed to be the stomache flu, although noone else in my family has gotten it... Then on saturday as I was beginning to feel better from that, I lost my voice. Today, I still have no voice.... And then at about noon today my back went out. I did not do anything to cause it either, I was walking down the hall when all the sudden there was just a huge, sharp pain in my lower back, all around my sacrum and hips and lumbar vertebrae.

Hrmmm.... to my body: I am listening, what are you trying to tell me???

And two more pictures just for fun, showing off my walls and my beautiful paintings by Marcus Bausch... Taken with my super cool new camera that arrived TODAY!!! Its a Canon Powershot S3 IS. I still have not actually figured out how to use it... soon!!!

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Thursday, August 24, 2006


This weeks subject for Artwords is Appetite. The goal? To create a piece of work that portrays appetite.

Well, for me the first thought that jumps to my mind when I think appetite is an image of an appetite denied... Having dealt with an eating disorder for most of my life it is difficult to think of anything else when the word is something that is normally associated with food or eating.

The original picture of this woman I found on the internet in an image search on google and changed it up in photoshop. It did not say who originally took the picture or who it is of. I am actually using this as a reference for something else that i am drawing, but since that is not finished yet I will post this one in its place, and then post the finished drawing once it is complete.

For some people this image may be a little disturbing, and it probably should be. I hope that if nothing else it creates an awareness in the people who see it.

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To see other peoples portrayals of "Appetite" you can go here.