Sunday, January 07, 2007

Many thoughts in my head today...

There are so many thoughts I have had going through my head these last few weeks, these last months... So many things I want to get started on, to get done.

I have idea's and no idea how to make them happen... I only know that in order to get them done I must put one foot in front of the other and take a step. This post is most likely going to be very scatterbrained and there will probably be no connection from one paragraph to the next so bear with me... I am writing it mainly to just get it out there, I will work on refining it all after I jut get it all out.

I have spent most of last year getting in touch with the more artistic and creative side of myself that I had pushed to the side for too many years. I know that I am more whole with this part of me coming back out. I want now to do something more with this than create gifts for friends and family, more than just scrapbooking and making cards... More than just the occasional painting or pencil drawing. Now I just need to figure the steps out and take them. I have been OBSESSED with the thought of learning lampwork for over 2 years now, and have yet to actually go out and learn... I would like to finally do that this year, along with many other idea's I have floating around in my brain.

Last year (that feels weird to say, I am not used to this being a new year yet...) I was blessed with some amazing friendships. I was able to get in contact with some very old, very close friends with whom I had somehow fallen out of contact with. This happened at a very good time for me, a time when I really needed people in my life who knew me and knew what it was that I needed of them. I was also lucky enough to find some new friends who have also been a huge support to me. I look back at last year and I just feel so blessed by it all. I know in this year my friendships will continue to grow and I am going to put a greater effort into getting to know new people... You never know when you will meet someone who will have a profound effect on your life, and you never know just how you can effect someone else's. I never would have thought that some of the people i have connected with would have such an impact, but they have and I am thankful.

An on a completely different subject, we have decided to move *for sure* to Utah this year. It wont happen for some time still, but when we were there over Christmas my husband was able to secure his job transfer. So... sometime this year we will be making a HUGE move. A good move we both think, but still a little scary. There is much to do before we can sell the house, before Chad can leave his position here in Arizona and transfer to the office in Utah... but we have already begun on the first steps and THAT is a good feeling.

Another thing I have spent a large amount of time thinking about is having another baby... Now, I do not want to have another of my own... I want to be a surrogate. I have had many many friends who have had difficulties conceiving, and I remember in the summer I was walking one night and the thought popped into my head that I should be a surrogate. Immediatly I thought to myself "Self, you are CRAZY... You just thought that being pregnant again and having someone elses child is a good idea!" And then I said back to myself... "Self, why would that not be a good idea???" And I began thinking, really thinking about it. And to be honest I could not think of any really great reasons why it would not be a fantastic idea. So.... A couple weeks ago I finally got serious about it and started researching it. And, I have found several places that I am looking at now to send in an application :) The only thing I forsee being any kind of an issue at this point is that at this point I have no health insurance and that is something I would need to have, and also that we would be moving towards the end of this year and if things go like I would want them to, I would be pregnant at that time... Not too huge of a deal really, many families who choose a surrogate choose one from out of state anyways. So... yeah I am seriously seriously considering becoming a surrogate, and if for some reason that did not work out I will do egg donation... Maybe I will do egg donation first to come up with the money to pay for health insurance so I can be a surrogate... Hmmmmm... :)

Alot to think about, alot to do... Many steps to take. I imagine by the end of 2007 I will have walked many many miles.