Thursday, November 09, 2006

Why Batman and Church do not go together

Ahhh... Memories :) This is a post from my mypace blog I wrote this year in January... Fun times REALLY!!! :) I am glad the Batman phase is finally (mostly) over. I figured I would repost it here as It gave me a good laugh remembering this little time in our lives.

Why Batman and church do not go together.

Okay... Here is my rant for the day.

My dear sweet son Kayden is a HOLY TERROR! I kid you not this child just might be demon spawn... At least it seems that way some days. Like today, or any Sunday for that matter. Church has to be one of our most difficult experiences as a family. You see all those perfect little families with the cute, perfectly behaved, clean, happy to be there kids sitting in the chapel all folding their arms and listening with a serene look on their faces. Occasionally spewing forth some scripture or something church related to their proud parents who gaze at the child lovingly and then look at eachother smiling to themselves... Patting themselves on the back for a job well done. You know the ones. The "Perfect" family. People are always telling them how "perfect" little Jimmy is. "Oh, he is such a wonderful boy." Jimmy's parent's are sooo proud. He never gives them trouble. Blah blah blah!!!

Well, That is SOOOO not my family. We are the family sitting in the very back row, right next to the door... Just incase one of us needs to make a quick exit with a screaming child.

Every week it is the same thing. Before we go to church I sit down with Kayden and we have a little talk. I tell him how we are supposed to act, and tell him how I expect him to act. "Kayden, if your teacher asks you to do something you need to listen to her okay?" To which he responds, "Mom, call me Batman. I am Batman today, not Kayden." Hmmm... Okay. "Batman, what will you do today when your teacher asks you to listen?" Batman then says, "I will kick the bad guys and shoot them with my pshoom thing (That is what Kayden, I mean Batman calls the gun things that the batman toys shoot.)!" Um, allrighty then. I see I am not getting too far with this. So I try something else... "Kayden can you be a big helper today for your teacher?" A very angry looking child then says "You called me Kayden AGAIN! I already told you. I AM BATMAN... Who is Kayden anyway?!?!" (No, Im not joking... He did say that, says it all the time.) Well, Its time to go to church now so I cross my fingers hoping for the best.

When we arrive at church "Batman" is wearing jeans, a long sleeve stripey t-shirt and some grundgy semi dressy shoes. Sigh... At least we are here right? I think to myself.
When we sit down (Back row) is when it starts. I can almost feel it coming, like the rumble of a train as it comes down the track towards you. Far enough away that you can't hear it yet, but you know its there and it is coming. I try to get Jett and Kayden to sit quietly in their seats. I am prepared to fight this war. Armed with an arsenal of treats, books, crayons, quiet toys... You name it, I've got it. But the books are boring apparently (they must take after their father) the treats are gone almost as soon as I pull them out, and the toys, although quiet can still grab someones attention from three rows up when launched at their head by a screaming 19 month old. Oh dear... That train I was worried about has now arrived at the station a little ahead of schedule. Well, I guess its time to walk the hallways for a bit then return for the closing hymn. Ahhh, the closing hymn. I can't tell you what the hymn was because as soon as the organ music begins to play and people begin to sing Jett breaks out in a thrilling rendition of Twinkle Twinkle ABC.... Its his own creation, a mix of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the ABC's... WOW, that kid has some lungs, maybe I will put him in voice lessons in a few years.

Finally it is time to bring the kids to their classes. Jett, long overdue for a nap is delirous at this point and proceeds to lay down on the floor in the hallway and "go night night". So I pick him up and drag him to nursery. You are going to play with these kids and eat snacks and you will DAMN well enjoy it!

Then its off to Kaydens... oh wait, Batmans class. I see a look of dread cross his teachers face as he walks in, she is quick to hide it however and smiles at him sweetly. "Come with me Kayden." "Im BATMAN!" He says and jumps into the air executing a perfect karate ninja type kick. I quickly run out of the room praying that today can be the day that he will sit through class and be good.

About this time I am really wanting to sneak out of the building and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke the whole F&..@ing thing... Ahhh SO relaxing! But then I remember I don't smoke, havn't had one in like 7 years or something so I guess thats out of the question.

About 10 minutes into my last class I see my husbands head poke into the room, I can see he is not exactly happy. So, I pick up baby Kael and all my belongings to meet him in the hall. "We are going home." He informs me. I see that Kayden is standing behind him. What happened I ask him. "Batman didn't do anything!" He tells me. And then Chad tells me the real story. Apparently Batman was running around the primary room punching and kicking the air, spinning on his chair and letting out with the occasional unintelligible yell... Fun, sounds like what he does when we are at home.

So, we go pick up Jett, drag him out of his happy playtime. Load all three of the screaming children into the car, and head home. Aaahhhh home sweet home. Where the cribs and beds are. where my kids will sleep... YEAH!

So... That is a day in the life of the Cranston family... more specifically our typical sunday routine. Fun stuff! Really! I wonder how Super Nanny does it. Cuz I have tried all the "techniques" and I am beginning to think they are all al big steaming pile of poop! Oh well.

I really do love my kids, its just that sometimes I feel my sanity sneaking away from me, and really that is not so fun. Kayden can be soooo sweet when he wants to be too. Like just now as I tucked him into bed he pulled me in close and gave me a great big hug. "Mommy." "Yes Batman?" I say "Oh, Im not Batman anymore. I am Kayden." He replies "Oh, I'm sorry. What's up Kayden?" And here it comes.... "I just want to tell you that I love you." He says smililng at me. "And you have been such a good girl today that I am going to let you play wih my video games tomorrow when the sun wakes up!"

Oh yeah! Now I remember. That is the reason I am a mom. :)