New pendant

I finished a custom ordered pendant tonight. I like the way it turned out. What do you think?






I hope she likes it, I am sending her photo's tonight to make sure it is what she was wanting.

I also added a few new items to Gypsy Wings (my shop). I have been lazy about adding new items lately, so I need to fix that. I have plans that I am trying to work out, and I need to make some money to manifest them. I will be adding items to my shop much more frequently so I can make it happen. :)

I have been tagged...

I have been tagged by Bogi. :)

The rules:

Start with 7 random facts/habits about yourself
People who are tagged have to write their 7 things on their blog
Then choose another 7 people to get tagged and list their names
Don't forget to leave them a comment to tell them they
have been tagged and to read your blog.


So... here we go.

1. I really like the smell of cigarettes.

2. My favorite food in the entire world is Chicken Tika Masala from the worlds most incredible Indian restaurant, Bombay House. Seriously people... if you EVER find yourself near one of their 2 locations you MUST stop and eat. You will thank me. Also, try the Chicken Coconut Kurma, a Mango Laase, and the Gulab Jamun. *bliss*

3. I have seen the movie 300 almost 300 times now... Well, really only about 4. But I admit that those Spartans can really raise my blood pressure... Or, as my friend likes to say "Makes my uterus skip a beat." Yup.

4. I have decided I have AADD... Art Attention Deficit Disorder. I simply CANNOT pick one project and stick with it. I have about 50 different little art related projects happening at any given time. Only a few ever get finished.

5. I think I might be addicted to email. I check it all the time.

6. It looks like the hubby and I will be staying in Arizona, at least for a few more years. *sigh* But its not all bad, we did walk through some model homes yesterday and found THIS one we kind of, sort of, LOVE... By the way we would be building it with the Bonus room, the walk out balconies and all that...

7. I am TOTALLY craving a huge rice crispy treat right now...

Allrighty, I am tagging these seven people... Ummm... I just remembered that I have not fixed my sidebar yet with all my blogs that I like to read, so I don't have any links to their blogs, and am feeling too lazy to go look them all up. So, instead of tagging 7 people how about if you feel so inclined to do this little meme, do it, and leave me a comment so I can go read it!

Master Cleanse days 4 & 5

Well, as far as the cleanse goes day 4 went well. I went through the day doing all the cleansey things, salt water flush in the a.m., about 6 glasses of lemonade, around 64 oz. of water. I was not hungry, I did have a few fleeting cravings through out the day but nothing too bad.

Then... It happened.

I was sitting down watching Grey's Anatomy with the hubby... He was munching on some m&m's. It was a very intense episode, and I was VERY into it. And suddenly my husband looked at me, grabbed my hand away from my mouth and said in a loud voice, "Are you eating my m&m's?" I looked at my hand in horror, and tried to answer him... But a piece of peanut m&m flew from my mouth and landed with a hollow clink onto our coffee table.

Yes, I totally ate some m&m's! I didn't even realize it either which is kind of really strange. I mean, how often does this happen that I eat without even knowing it? Could explain the extra 15 lbs I have put on in the last 5 months... Or, it could be the 44 oz fountain Dr. Pepper I have been drinking every morning for breakfast. I am going with the sleep eating, even though I was 100% awake.

Well, we figured it was only a few m&m's... That we are aware of anyways ;) So, it would not harm the effects of the cleanse too badly. Right? RIGHT?!?! So, I went on about the cleanse as normal.

So this brings us to today. Today, not so bad either. It was a nice day outside, the birds were singing, the sun was shining... And... I had a leeetle piece of bread. And, then did the rest of the day like I would regularly on the cleanse.

Hrmmmm... I believe there is a pattern developing here.

SO, I got to thinking... I think that I am going back to my modified way of doing the cleanse. Yes, I do realize that it will not actually be the cleanse this way. But, I think that drinking the lemonade for breakfast was working very well. I was exercising every morning, eating a small healthy lunch, and a healthy dinner. I don't want to say that I am giving up... But I think that for me this might be the best solution. I have thought about it a lot, and I was really doing the cleanse to drop some weight... which I have. I have lost a little over 7 pounds in these 5 days. I can't say that doesn't make me grin a bit. But, I think it would be best for me to get into the habit of a good exercise routine, eating healthier, and drinking more water before I attempt this cleanse again. And I will do this cleanse again, I just need to be in the proper mindset to do it. I would like to be focused on the health aspect of it instead of the weight aspect, and that requires some changes in my every day life...

So, for now I am off the cleanse. I cannot say it was a waste at all though, because it forced me to get off the Dr. Pepper, I am drinking much more water, and I have a desire to make some changes. I am sure I will still drink my beloved soda, but not 44 oz a day like I had been. I will also probably eat foods that are not great for me at times, but I will be trying to make conscious decisions about the foods I choose. I will be trying to focus on the healthy side of things, and try to be aware of when I am shoveling those m&m's into my mouth. :)

Master Cleanse days 2 and 3

Day 2 went by ok... except I wanted to CHEW something all day, like ALL day. I was not really hungry, but I wanted to eat, weird. I followed some advice by the lovely Boho and made some of the lemonade mixture into Popsicles. Not bad! Although I think for future reference I will leave the cayenne out of those, spicy Popsicles are not as good as non-spicy ones. I spent the day trying to NOT think about food, thus thinking about it even more. Nice. When I went to bed I was so excited that I would not be thinking about it anymore. And as an added bonus there were no food dreams.

Yesterday, was day 3. And it was odd. For the most part I did not care to have food at all. I mean AT ALL. I didn't even want the lemonade and made myself drink it. I had about 5 glasses of it total yesterday and lots of water. I did the 2 showers and skin brushing as I have everyday. But, I found myself becoming increasingly dare I say obsessed?? About weighing in. Like I was really going to magically drop 5 pounds over the course of one hour. When I became aware of those feelings I started to evaluate them. And to be honest I came out rather confused. I mean, I know that this is something that will be good for my overall health, it will get all the yuck out and hopefully bring to around to new ways of eating and treating my body with more care. But... I can feel the obsession starting with my weight and that is not too cool.

I talked with a couple friends via email last night and told them my concerns. They gave me some lovely feedback and insight. I am still unsure whether or not I will be continuing with this cleanse. Last night my hubby said to just finish with yesterday, and see how I feel today. So, that is what I will do... I might end the cleanse sometime today, or I might continue depending on what feelings I have about it. We shall see.

In any case I feel like it has been a good experience so far. My tongue is already pink if you can believe that. The coating is gone, was only there for one day infact. So, I will be updating later today or tomorrow and we will all find out if I stick with it or not. If I decide to end the cleanse I will be doing other things to remain healthy though, so it won't be all bad.

And, just because I was bored yesterday, I made this slide show. Enjoy! The slide show seems way cooler on my Myspace page because it has some nifty music to bop your head to there. But, it is still cute even without the music.

Quick update...

I WANT TO EAT!

There was a commercial on TV just now for Chuckie Cheese of all places and I started to CRY! Now, I believe that I have already mentioned somewhere that the food they serve there tastes pretty much like cardboard... And yet, it is enough to bring me to tears... GAH! WTF? Seriously, what is going on here?

And that song! It is in my head (refer to my previous post) and right now "Saber Tooth Soufflé" sounds down right delicious, "Mammoth Steak" sounds divine, and DO NOT get me started on just how much I would LOVE to sip some "Broth made from a sloth"...

Weekend festivities & Master Cleanse: Day 1 take 2

Last weekend was mighty fun. On Friday night we had 2 other couples from church over for a big dinner. I made shish-ka-bobs with different kinds of meat and fruit. They were YUMMY! Just so you know, if you ever want to grill pork, you should first marinate it in Lawry's Caribbean Jerk Marinade... That stuff is TO DIE FOR!!! And also next time you are grilling try this: Marinate apple chunks and pineapple chunks in the juice from one can of pineapple chunks, one can of coconut milk. Stir in a little cinnamon and vanilla... Skewer those fruit pieces and grill them up. SOOOOO good!

Anyhow, back to the dinner party. We had the shish-ka-bobs, a rice dish, some stir fried veggies, and just an all around good time. After dinner Chad and I taught everyone to play Nertz. Quite possibly the GREATEST card game evah! Seriously, its addicting. You should try it. And just as a side note we play it with Rook cards. Those make it easier in my opinion because instead of trying to see the different suits, you just have 4 different colors.

On Saturday we went grocery shopping at Costco... arg! We bought some REALLY delicious food and i WANT some. But it will all be there when I am done... except the muffins. Those great, big, delicious cake like muffins. *sigh*

Sunday was church... meh. But it was really not that bad, we got cookies:) hehe

After church I made sure to eat little bits of every little thing I knew I would be missing after last night, and man oh man were they good. Finally it was time to drink my tea before bed...

So, I drank my tea Sunday night before bed, and I woke up yesterday morning at 6 to drink my sea water (AKA salt water flush), I admit it did not taste as bad as I remember from last week... And also, this time it TOTALLY worked! *insert hallelujahs song here* It worked so very well infact that I almost had to call someone to bring Kayden to school. It was like a mass exodus from my colon. Luckily for me, I did not need to call anyone. That would have sucked, "Um, yeah... Could you please bring Kayden to school for me? I drank 32 oz of salt water and now I cant get off the toilet!"


For the most part the day went smoothly. I was not really hungry except for a few times, and I just drank some more lemonade and the feelings of hunger went away. I did have a headache again for the second half of the day. It was sucky sucky. And I was CRAVING things. Nothing in particular... I think I just wanted to chew. I kept thinking to myself, If I just chew it and spit it out it wont change the effects of the cleanse right? DAMN I wanted to chew something, ANYTHING! This song kept playing in my head... Watch it, you'll laugh... It will stick in your head and you will find yourself humming it all through the day. :)


So as far as the cleanse goes... I drank a total of 8 glasses of lemonade, about 44 oz of water and one cup of tea before bed last night. I made it through day one this time, and now its on to day two.

Also last night a friend of mine came over and we got down with our crafty selves... We busted out the rubber stamps and papers nad made some nifty cards. I will try to get pictures of mine up later, they are quite cute if you ask me :) I am thinking of making some and selling them in my etsy shop.

Well, I am off for now. I need to juice up some lemons.

I'm gonna change it up, make up my own rules!

That is the face that I make when I think about drinking that Salt Water flush.... The mixture of 32 oz water and 2 teaspoons sea salt... The mixture that I try telling myself is the most DELICIOUS soup I have ever tasted... And then I puke. Yup, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. And get THIS!!! The salt water flush is supposed to flush everything from your insides correct? I imagined I would be sitting at the toilet all day, I imagined it would be as Thea put it "like someone had aimed a fire hose into the toilet." I was completely prepared for it in fact. Armed with extra toilet paper, some reading material... candles and air freshener even! And can I tell you, nothing! That is right folks, not a damn thing happened. Not a gurgle, not a bubble, not even a FART! I waited and waited and not a thing happened?!?!?! What is up with that?

The drink itself, is not bad. Not bad at all in fact. I actually enjoy it, and was craving it a bit. I make it with slightly less maple syrup than the 2 tablespoons they recommend per glass, and it is perfection. The cayenne pepper gives it a little bite, but it works for me, gives my taste buds a bit of a tickle.

I drank 6 glasses of the lemonade yesterday, and of course 32 whopping oz of stale sea water... And lots of water. Over all I felt GREAT, until the headache kicked in. OH.MY.HELL. I have a SERIOUS caffeine addiction people. It felt like my face and skull were cracking. *ouch*

When it was dinner time I made the hubby and kids rigatoni with meat sauce... I hate meat sauce, cuz it has tomato sauce in it, blech. That was nice because it repulsed me and I didn't want any. But...

Here it is guys, I totally caved. I ate a biscuit! And what a DIVINE biscuit it was too. It was soft, and crumbly, and flaky, and buttery, and honey-ey :) Sooo yummy. Yeah, I didn't even get through the first day! But now I must explain the reason.

A couple weeks ago the Hubby signed us up to host a friendship dinner with some other couples from church. Kind of a get to know each other type thing. We do the main dish, then assign each of them to bring a side or dessert. ANYHOW, it just so happens that we are doing that this Friday night... Yeah, hosting a big dinner while on the cleanse, not so great. And Saturday one of my best friends had invited us to come over to her place for a BBQ to meet her fiancé, who will be in town from Texas. Yeah, this weekend would not work well with the cleanse.

What I have decided to do is to drink the lemonade for breakfast and possibly lunch each day until Sunday, and have a nice portion controlled dinner. I will still drink the tea at night too... Its YUMMY! On Sunday I will start again. This time the hubby said he will do it with me too! So, that is a bonus. I will also be using the new treadmill in an attempt to not look scary in a swim suit this summer.

I know, I know.... It would still be totally doable to just not eat at those 2 functions, but...

I will try to post again later today, I still need to post my nominations for The Thinking Blogger Award. That's right, I got nominated!!! Me? A thinking blogger??? That makes me giggle a little, but it also makes me smile:)

xoxo

Birthday Fesitivities have ended... Cleansing has begun

Last Wednesday it was my birthday, this Wednesday will be my hubby's birthday. I am 27, and Chad will be 28.

Chad told me I am FORBIDDEN to buy him anything. He apparently already had the whole birthday thing planned out. We usually do our birthdays together because they are so close. So, he kept me guessing for a week or two but I finally found out this weekend:)

Saturday Chad went out with his friend Dave for a while, and when they came back they were carrying this big huge black thing into my house. "Where do you want it?" Chad asked me. I was still unsure what "it" was, until I got closer and noticed it was a TREADMILL! I have wanted one for, oh... I don't know, FOREVER! So I am beyond excited about this. If you could see me you would see "excited" on my face right now, but since you cannot, I will do this instead... :D

Then, yesterday Chad and I went out for our birthdays. It was great! We drove around looking for a pretty place to pull over and take pictures (he NEVER lets me take pictures of him) and we finally decided on a golf course we saw off the road... So we pulled over and parked next to the canal. Slipped over a fence that said "No Trespassing" found a nice spot and shot a few pictures together:) I did not have a tripod with me so I had to set the camera on a rock to get the shots (which turned out kinda crappy) we were in a hurry because it smelled REALLY bad there... I mean, rotten egg, something died here bad. So we only got a few shots... all of which are junk. But it was FUN!

After that we went to eat at Chili's, kindof a farewell to delicious, greasy, fried, bad for me foods (I started the Master Cleanse today)... We shared an order of appetizers, the Southwestern Egg rolls *yum* and chicken crispers. Chad had some kind of chicken for dinner, I had a Caesar side salad and a side of mashed potatoes with cracked pepper gravy, and MASS quantities of Dr. Pepper. Oh how I am going to miss my Dr. Pepper, delicious Dr. Pepper... Sweet elixir of life, and making me fat. *sigh*

After dinner it was off to the movies where we saw The Reaping, which I liked. Usually these kinds of movies are very predictable, but this one had me guessing. I did not figure out the ending before hand, so that makes it a good movie in my book. Chad was even impressed, even though there was some girl there who was texting on her phone through the ENTIRE movie... SERIOUSLY!!! Why bother going to the movies if you are just going to sit there on your phone the entire time, will your social life suffer irreparable damage if you shut off your damn phone for 2 hours? GAH!

So, all in all it was a great night, except for text girl and her amazing sidekick *insert sarcasm here*. On the way home we stopped at the grocery store so I could pick up a few items I needed for the cleanse I am doing, more on that later.

But yeah, all in all this birthday was perfection. I feel a little weird not getting the Hubby anything since I am strictly verboten to do so... but maybe I will make him something!

Anyhow, I am off to fold laundry and other such housewifey duties. I will try to post tonight about the cleanse thus far.

I leave you with some photo's of my birthday flowers Chad gave me on Wednesday, did I forget to mention that he brought me flowers and pizza on Wednesday? *swoon* My grandmother also gave me some tiny roses on Thursday, so there is a photo or two of those as well :) Most of these photo's have not been retouched other than just resizing. A couple I had to adjust the color balances on because I have a REALLY crappy light set-up. I basically used a desk lamp :)

Birthday flowers are all clickable :)

These hands

My hands are 27 today.




With these hands I would grasp tightly to the chains of a swing, and I learned to fly.

I used these fingers to weave a crown from the long summer grass, wild wheat and dandelions. I would hold them over my head and dance in the breeze under the setting sun.

These are the hands I dug deep into the hot summer sand to find cool, damp earth. The hands that sifted through that sand in hopes of finding the perfect shell or piece of sea glass.

These hands are the hands that pulled me up through the cold salty ocean on a hot sticky night. Bringing me to the surface naked and laughing.

There is a small silver scar left over from the time I started to fall climbing over the fence in my yard, there is another from the time I rubbed an eraser over the back of my hand until I had erased all the skin. Small marks left behind, small secrets written in my skin.

My hands trembled the first time I opened a love letter from the secret boy, and then again the first time we kissed. And the first time he broke my heart I sobbed into my hands letting the tears sting my bloodied knuckles. Swollen and sore from punching down boxes at work to put into the recycle bin... Angry and raw from sticking my fingers down my throat in an attempt to rid myself of a pain I couldn't comprehend.

These hands remember the feeling of a cigarette between their fingers, and sometimes when I am really stressed my hands still do the motions of flicking the ashes.

I once sat out under the stars with a friend holding hands, pointing to the sky. Even now, 10 years later I find myself watching the stars. Reaching for heaven.

With these hands I have reached into tiny cracks and holes in the sand stone and climbed safely down into hidden worlds. I have used them to hold tightly to a slippery rock while looking over the edge of a waterfall.

With these hands I have massaged hundreds of bodies. My hands can intuitively travel over a persons anatomy and work out even the tiniest points of discomfort.

These are the hands that I delivered my own children with, the hands that reached down and gently guided their heads and shoulders out of my body and into this world.

I run these hands through my youngest son's long blond hair, as I have with each of my three son's knowing that someday I will have to cut it off because everyone thinks he is "the most beautiful girl".

I lay in bed at night tangled up in my sheets and my husband. Taking his hands in mine, holding them close to my heart. I can feel his pulse, he can feel my heart.

My hands look old, they are wrinkled and dry. A boyfriend once told me they were very "masculine" hands... Thanks for the complex Cam! By masculine, he said he meant strong. And they are strong. Strong, and wrinkly, and dry... maybe even mannish... But I like them still.


I use these hands to teach, to love, to talk, to nourish my family, to clean my house. They tell a story, and if you are someone who knows me well enough, you might know the stories within that story...

These are my hands that I have grown to love.

She's got legs!

It's April now, which means a new theme for the Self Portrait Challenge. The theme is (insert drum roll here) THE BODY!!!
And behold... THE RULES:

march was a bit of light hearted fun - connecting us with the internet and online sources of inspiration and tools. But for April I think we need a challenge…a tighter parameter and to connect with ourselves, our physical selves. I think this might be challenge for many and for others it might be easy. Whatever the case I want everyone to challenge themselves - push their boundaries and limits. photograph your good bits, bad bits, wobbly bits and sexy bits. photograph it all and show us your body. - I don’t expect to see any traditional portraits, no pretty faces or full body shots, rather bits and extracts of your self.

Well, I am not sure I am wanting to share any wobbly bits (oh... I have them!) I can't seem to find the sexy bits (the hubby says I have them...)or the bad bits even... So, I share with you something I like about me today. My legs.




Today I like my legs. I was informed once by my friend Luke that a bunch of the guys were hanging out one weekend and the conversation turned to me, and my "tan, shapely legs". *wicked grin* I admit it, I LOVED every second of it, and the next day at school I made it a point to wear my very short teal lamé mini dress and sit down to lunch with them. I was a hopeless flirt.

I think my legs are rather nice, still. Even after I had 3 kids, gained massive amounts of weight during pregnancy (70 lbs) and then lost *some* of it. My legs never really seemed to change much... my hips are a bit wider, and sometimes when I have gained weight, my thighs will start to touch together in the middle (something which I HATE with every bone in my body)... but for the most part they are the same. And for the most part I tend to like my legs.

And just because I had a few, here are the other photo's I took.





And I had to add this one because Jett saw it and said "It's a "MOMMY MONSTER!!!" The big eye and weird angle make me think of this movie.



Do you see the resemblance???

Oh, and I should have the rest of my Utah trip up today... tonight? Sometime soon.

xoxo

Utah **warning... lots of photo's** and lame story writing :)

Well, we went to Utah about a week and a half ago. We were there from Wednesday (night) to Sunday (got home sunday night). Chad had some work to do while we were there, (infact that is the whole reason we went) which left me sitting at my parents house with no car Thursday and Friday... But, even though I did not see any friends or visit with anyone, I still had a good time with my kids and my family.

Thursday morning My mom and I took the kids on a walk to the farm that is down the hill from their house. There were new spring lambs for the kids to see. Six of them to be exact, and from the looks of it a few of the sheep were still pregnant. We fed them carrots and celery. It reminds me of the Wonder Pets and the episode where they saved the baby sheep, and shared celery at the end... What?!?! You don't watch the Wonder Pets??? What is WRONG with you? ;)





And now... Behold the random photo's I took of fences on our walk.




On the way home we passed by many wonderful sites, and even magical beasts! These fluffy white things are the buds from a wishing tree... Whatever, this is MY story and if I say its a wishing tree then it is.



Next we came to a forest of Purple Flower Tree's (that is really what they are called).



I discovered, quite by accident that if you smelled their aroma too deeply they turned you into a giant, kinda like the mushrooms in Wonderland...



After a few minutes the effects of the flower tree's wore off, and we continued on up the hill towards home. It was then that we encountered a ferocious lion!



I ran as fast as I could and stopped just below a tree. I looked up and saw Faeries! They tried to hide by wrapping themselves up inside their wings...




I didn't want to disturb the Faeries so I continued on up the hill, eventually making it home to my parents house. This is the view of the mountains out their front door... there are clouds in the way, but whatever... tomorrow I will have a much better photo. But this one is the last one I took on our walk :)



And that my friends, is the end of this entry... my eyes are tired. I hope you enjoyed the photo's of our little walk. And incase you have not figured it out yet, all the photo's are clickable so you can see them bigger.

xoxoxo

Im still here!!!

I have just had a lot of things going on the last few weeks :) But I am still here, I am alive, and I am well. Thanks for your emails and concern, I really am good I am sorry I have been absent for so long.

I have many things to blog about and catch up on... it will probably take a few posts or people will get bored and start to yawn. :) So, I will start with my Mom and Sister coming to visit a few weeks ago.

It was Hye Soo's (my super hot little sister) spring break in the beginning of march and she and my mom drove down to Arizona to visit all of us who live out here. We went and saw the Body Worlds exhibit *soooo cool* We ate delicious food (thanks mom for buying me Bajio's *yum*) we ate not so delicious food... Chuckie Cheese pizza is nastay! And somehow the sister and I ate the whole damn thing by ourselves. The kids were smart enough to know that it was toxic, but holy shenanigans they were adorable while we were there. Observe:



You can click any of these to see them bigger...

We also got all the ladies in the family together one night for a little beading party. We are the kind of family that gets together and makes stuff... People who are not from our family or who don't make things themselves often find it strange. Like the time everyone made paper mache fish out of milk jugs, just so we could hang them from the ceiling. Mine ended up being my "mailbox" for valentines in 4th grade. Do you remember making you mailbox so that people could deliver your valentines to your desk in school? Yeah, mine was a big pink and red fish with purple lips and a HUGE open mouth so that it could swallow all the little notes and cards. :) But I digress, I was talking about the beading party. Here, why don't you take a little gander. The photo's are dark but you can see the fun, or maybe you can't ... but trust me, it was there :) The light quality sucked really bad when I took these, so they are kinda grainy. But you get the idea.



Well, that is all for this entry... I have lots more to say so I will most likey post again later tonight... the hubby is camping with his friends so I will be BORED... I could do something productive like clean, but what fun is that? Methinks my time would be much better spent playing around on the internet and eating cookies. Mmmmm cookies.... *drool*

Prayers for a friend

Thea is one of the first bloggers I connected with when I started blogging. She has been an inspiration to me, and a good friend. I was thinking about her earlier today and just could not get her out of my mind, so when I checked her blog I knew why...

I can feel my heart breaking for her as I sit here, and my eyes are stinging as I write this. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers as her and her family go through this difficult time.

Finding water... and my voice.

This last week or two have been really weird. I have noticed myself really resisting doing my morning pages, and not wanting to do some of the exercises... And I am not entirely sure why. I *think* I know why sortof... but I am not really sure.

There is this person in my life that does not know where to stop. I mean, this person has crossed some big boundaries with me and keeps pushing. I feel like they are about to push me over the edge of something really dark and really deep. And the worst part is that this person really believes with all their heart that the things they are telling me, and asking of me are the right things. They have even gone so far as to tell me that it is something that God wants of me. And try as I might I cannot avoid this person forever. This has been going on for over 6 months now and they refuse to back down... I have tried avoiding being places where they might be, like church... or even the neighborhood parks as they live only houses away from me. But not attending Church does me no good at all, so when I go I end up ducking around corners to not be seen. I have tried to gently explain why these things that are being told to me may be correct to other people, but it does not apply to me. I have tried to bury my stress and confusion with this matter in huge quantities of chocolate and Dr. Pepper... All that has accomplished is an extra 10 pounds. So... I finally just feel like I have hit a wall. I have allowed this person to leach the life out of me, to criticize all the parts of me that make me feel like an individual, to judge things that are foreign and therefor scary to them. All this they have done with the best of intentions which I appreciate but can no longer deal with. I feel like someone drowning. I am floating in a pool of all these words unspoken and choking on their silence.

I need to go in and just say it. Tell this person that I *do* appreciate what they are trying to do, that the intention has not gone unnoticed... But that they will stop now. There will be no more questions. No more council as to what this person believes needs to happen in my life. This person will know that they have far overstepped a boundary with me and I will have no more of it. When it is all typed out like this it seems so easy to do... But when I try to speak, nothing will come. My throat closes and I would be lucky to get a dry, hollow, whisper.

But back to Finding Water... I am struggling with it right now to be honest. I intend to keep on with it but I am going to be honest and say that the last week and a half I have really not been keeping up with it. I have managed a few walks, always with the kids in tow, which is okay. I did get to do one Artists Date the week before last, I got a much needed massage. And I do manage to get almost all of the Divining Rod exercises done. The ones I have not done yet I am really resisting... I need to do the ones where you describe yourself as a character, and also describing and naming my inner critic... Also I need to do one or two still from last week. But I will catch up on those and I have already committed to starting up with my morning pages again tomorrow. So... yeah.

In other area's of my life since it has been so long since I have written an actual blog, Kayden got glasses, his Rx amazingly high (a 10+), each eye doctor was astounded... He is wearing a 6 right now and we will have to go back every month or so to work him up to a higher Rx. But he is oh so cute in them!!!


Kayden and Jett on one of our walks, right after Kayden had his pupils dilated.


Kayden with his super cute glasses :)

I will be back to post more pictures from our walks tomorrow... and perhaps some more revelations into my life :)